Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The miracle of life!
I promised to share with you the moment of my son’s birth. Women know the feeling, this unique event, even if we experience it different, its essence is the same: a miracle! I had a difficult pregnancy, starting with the 5th month. Even though I had no nausea, or any other physical misery which come in the “package” with the miracle, I took a lot o weight…like 36kg…and this mostly because I had to quit smoking. I remember how I was struggling to climb the stairs, and how people on the street were asking me if I had twins or triplets. The due date was planned on 3rd of May, but I was hoping since April that maybe, maybe…The last days were a nightmare, I couldn’t get down from the bed without help, and the news from the gynecologist were not very encouraging: my cervix was looking like I was 3 months pregnant, so, with a big smile on her face, my doctor announced me that if nothing happened till 3rd of May ( I had not even one contraction during all my pregnancy), then cesarean birth was a potential solution. I cried for 5 days continuously when I found out that cesarean section is for sure (from 3rd of May till 8th of May when the surgery was planned). I was spending my time mostly in the bath tub , as I couldn’t bare the excessive weight anymore. My husband was caressing my hair or massaging my back, torn by my tears and suffering. On 8th of May, early in the morning we went to the hospital. They tried in vain to induce labor to me! At least I had the consolation that I felt no pain whatsoever during my entire pregnancy. This was the “technical” part of the story. Now, the emotional part!Thanks God, I gave birth in a country where the father of the baby (or whomever you wish), can assist to the birth (even if it’s a cesarean)! Thus, the little one can be welcomed by both parents, so the joy of the first meet, double! My wonderful husband was a strong support during all my pregnancy, and I was dependant by his support and presence in the surgery room. But, for I don’t know what reason, during anesthesia, nobody is allowed to be there, except for the doctors. I didn’t know that, so I was desperately begging them (being out of the line, I know…)to bring in the father of the child. They were young doctors, who very politely comforted me, and lying that the father is in the changing room for his sterile cloths. But I could see him at the door, at the end of the little corridor just outside the surgery room. I was insisting almost crying (I would have cried if I wasn’t too ashamed!)…they were talking and talking to me, keeping me distracted. I put my foot down: “who’s gonna hold my hand while you put needles in my spine?” One of them came to hold my hands…Then, with “my half” next to my head, we were waiting for the smallest piece of flash from our flash, to come out from my belly! It didn’t take long…10-15 minutes…I kept on asking my husband: “Is he here? Is he coming?” With his legendary calm, though excited at the maximum, he was answering to me: “Not yet, my love, just a little longer, just a little!” He was holding my hand, and with the other one, he was caressing my hair. Then, I heard Luca screaming! Even now days, I am convinced that he was sleeping in mommy’s belly, where was warm and good for him, and he got really upset to be pushed out in the strong light, in that cold room! They gave him to us almost immediately. They put him on my chest, so that he could feel my warmth, smell, and my heartbeat, so the shock of coming in this world would be diminished. He calmed down almost immediately, just us, the parents, kept on crying. I spent 5 days in the hospital. I slept I don’t know how many hours. The days, were spent together, the three of us. My husband came around 8 o’clock in the morning, and left around midnight. In the night, I couldn’t sleep because of the cut and the pain I had with every movement. I couldn’t have slept, even without pain! From the bed, I could see the street with light polls which spread a red light over the green little park. Next to me “the beginning of my life” was sleeping (my husband says that once your baby is born, you are born too, you forget your life, the way it was before, or how come it was possible without this little creature who needs you so much!), and for me it was so hard to believe that he was mine, “out of me”, that I “did” that! For mother’s day, spent also in the hospital, I got from pappy a perfume as a gift: very irresistible. It’s strange how whenever I wear that perfume ( I still have a little), I feel weak ! Just the way I felt in those days, in the hospital, with that huge cut under my belly. Many times, on my way to the park, with the trolley, I passed in the back of the hospital, and looked up to the window of “our room”. I’m pissed! Either I lack talent, or miracles cannot be translated in words, unless you talk the “miraculous language”…I don’t know the reason but I am very pissed that I couldn’t express exactly what means red lights on a street in the night, just next to the park, and a certain perfume that anybody can buy and carelessly spray on the neck, or on the hand wrist, not even thinking that this can be the unseen link to the magic of the beginning of life!